Series 5 / Class 2 - Backgrounds: the thing that lies behind the thing we see

This week we talked about backgrounds. Not just backgrounds for our pages, but our own backgrounds as well and how everything we've been through makes us what we are today. One of the things I think about when I meet and engage with people is that they haven’t always been as I see them before me now.
They were, as we all were, once a child whose life was directed by the family they were born into, affected by the events of their childhoods, by the many possible setbacks and victories of the educational system they encountered as they grew.
Each and every one us of us has arrived in our present lives by circuitous and hidden routes that are invisible to almost everyone we interact with. In fact, they are often invisible even to those people in our lives who think they know us well, especially our families.
This perspective often makes me more patient when I come into contact with people who are obviously struggling.I know the things I’ve had to face in my life that others know nothing about, and I assume other people’s life journeys will be as mysterious to me as my life journey would be to them.
But something else that’s occurred to me lately is that my own life journey is still somewhat of a mystery to me as well. My perspective on the events of my early life was a child’s perspective. I’m sometimes aware when something from my childhood is holding me back, but not always. And not always clearly when I am, or am not, aware. This has made me more patient with myself.
And just recently I realized that no matter how well I come to understand the events of my early life (good and bad), those events will always be there, colouring the present. Perhaps healed, perhaps not. Perhaps learned from, perhaps not. They may be buried under denial, or drawn into the light and dealt with ~ but they will always be there. They will always be a part of the person I’ve come to be.
Certain events in our lives, as much as we wish we could have avoided them, might be the very reason why we become better people. It’s a sobering thought, but also a hopeful one.
Some days the idea of delving into your background can be truly daunting. If this is one of those days for you, don’t go too deep. Try to look at a single event rather than a series of events. And don’t choose something traumatic unless you’re up to it. Just as you have learned to be gentle with yourself and the things that make up your background, be equally gentle with others.
The quote: “Hurt people hurt people” comes to mind. Sometimes a difficult person has just had a difficult life you don’t know about.

Sometimes the things we believe have held us back have been the very things that drive us forward.
If everything in life was easy, maybe none of us would be motivated to create better futures for ourselves and others. Adversity can a marvelous, albeit painful, teacher. And the lessons usually aren’t of our choosing, nor are all of us lucky enough to have helpful mentors and teachers to help us through. But not everything that happens to us in our early lives is negative. There were also good things in our childhoods and early adulthood that we may have taken for granted. Things we only came to fully appreciate later in our lives. If we are honest, there were also guiding lights.

Another thing I've thought quite a bit about is birth order. I've often wondered it affected me and my relationships to not only my siblings, but bosses, co-workers and other people I encounter. But maybe that’s because I’m the oldest, and I’ve had longer than my siblings to think about how this structure might affect us. It’s said that first (and only) children tend to be analytical, responsible leaders. Middle children tend to be gregarious, and fixated on equitable treatment for all. 
Youngest siblings are said to be charming, free-spirited risk-takers.  Do these descriptions ring true for you?

Below are pages 1 and 2 of your handouts this week. These two pages deal with the more serious topic of our personal backgrounds as discussed above. 

Our next post will give you some good ideas for creating backgrounds for your pages.