February: Appreciating qualities that make us who we are

I wanted to share one of my favourite books with you. When I bought my first copy (at age 24), it was a revelation to me to think of the sometimes confusing emotions I was experiencing as if they were other people, outside my body, with their own personal histories and reasons for being.

Being able to step away from the intensity of my feelings at that age (and perhaps any age?) really let me see them (and myself) more clearly, and helped me learn to make better decisions that were based on nurturing myself instead of emotional reactions.

Can't emphasize enough how much this book has influenced my life. In calm times, I've read it as if it were poetry (it is), in troubled times I've read it to help make me more optimistic about what the outcome of a situation might eventually be. I'm on my third copy of it right now, the previous two copies having been worn out by over-reading (if such a thing is possible). 

In the book, emotions are viewed as if they were people with their own pasts and futures, their own goals and obstacles. Their preferences for food, dress, colours, and activities are spelled out. You know these emotions, they live with you. Or (at the very least) you've met them in other people. They're completely recognizable and approachable.

Here are a couple of The Qualities  I chose to talk about in class because they relate so well to our topic this month of self-care ... Pleasure (which can be self-care, or if not well chosen, self-indulgence), and Unhappiness (sometimes our first sign self-care is needed):

Pleasure

Pleasure is wild and sweet. She likes purple flowers.

She likes the sun and the wind and the night sky.

She carries a silver bowl full of liquid moonlight.

She has a cat named Midnight with stars on his paws. 

Many people mistrust Pleasure, and even more misunderstand her.

For a long time, I could hardly stand to be in the same room with her.

I went to sleep early to avoid her.

I thought she was a gossip and a flirt and drank too much.

In school, we learned that she was dangerous, and I was sure that

she would distract me from my work. I didn't realize she could nurture me. 

As I have changed, Pleasure has changed. I have learned to value her friendship.

Unhappiness

Your children told me Unhappiness has volunteered to cook for you.

I understand you do not enjoy fixing meals for your hungry household.

Still, I must warn you to consider this offer carefully.

Unhappiness was the cook in my dormitory years ago.

Her favourite meal is burnt lentils with stale toast.

Her taste in vegetables runs towards the rotten.

Even when she makes foods that taste good,

you will leave the table vague and unsatisfied, and you'll 

find yourself eating flatbread in the corner of the pantry an hour later.

Complaining to her about the food does not help. Mean comments please her.

Just because Unhappiness thrives on misfortune and blackened bread

doesn’t mean they will nourish you.

J. Ruth Gendler's "The Book of Qualities" ~ Highly recommended. Meets both the "useful and beautiful" standards, in my opinion.

 

And here's a Qualities Exercise for you:

In the spirit of self-care, consider two positive qualities you have that you've been underappreciating. Do a journal page focusing on those two qualities and how they've played an important role in your life. You can describe them as people apart from yourself, or how they affect you in your actions.

Here's the page I did in my journal for two qualities that have certainly helped me make the best of my life:

Next post: All the bits and pieces from the last page of the handouts, and what happened to them in my journal ...