Backgrounds: the thing that lies behind the things we see

“Be kind. Everyone you know is fighting a battle you cannot see ”

One of the things I think about when I meet and engage with people is they haven’t always been as I see them now. They were, as we all were, once a child whose life was directed by the family they were born into, affected by the events of their childhoods, by the many possible setbacks and victories of the educational system they encountered as they grew.

Each and every one us of us has arrived in our present lives by circuitous and hidden routes that are invisible to almost everyone we interact with. In fact, they are often invisible even to those people in our lives who think they know us well, especially our families.

This perspective often makes me more patient when I come into contact with people who are obviously struggling. I know the things I’ve had to face in my life others know nothing about, and I assume other people’s life journeys will have been as mysterious to me as my life journey would be to them. But something else that’s occurred to me lately is that my own life journey is still somewhat of a mystery to me as well.

My perspective on the events of my early life was a child’s perspective. I’m sometimes aware when something from my childhood is holding me back, but not always. And not always clearly when I am, or am not, aware. This has made me more patient with myself.

Just recently I realized that no matter how well I come to understand the events of my early life (good and bad), those events will always be there, colouring my view and experience of the present.  Perhaps healed, perhaps not. Perhaps learned from, perhaps not. They may be buried under denial, or drawn into the light and dealt with ~ but they will always be there. They will always be a part of the person I’ve come to be.

Certain events in our lives, much as we wish we could have avoided them, might be the very reason we became better people. That can be s a sobering thought, but it’s also a hopeful one. Some days the idea of delving into your background can be overwhelming. If this is your experience, don’t go too deep all at once. Look at a single event rather than a series of events. Don’t choose something traumatic unless you’re up to it.

Just as you’ve learned to be gentle with yourself and the things that make up your background, be equally gentle with others. The saying: “Hurt people hurt people” comes to mind. Sometimes a difficult person has just had a difficult life you don’t know about.

“I’ve tried to hate my struggles, but they’re what has given me my strengths.”

~ Penelope

Being grounded ~ ways to do it:

• If you can, step outside into nature. Put your bare feet on the ground and close your eyes. Literally, ground yourself to the Earth.
• If you can’t get outside, sit comfortably in a chair, close your eyes and give yourself 15 uninterrupted minutes of deep, easy breathing. Calm your busy mind with images of nature. Think of where you would go to relax on a summer day, or your favourite place in nature when you were a child.
• Write out two lists: people who count on you and people you count on. Some people might be on both lists.
• Write out what’s troubling you as a letter to someone on one of your lists. You don’t have to send it ~ writing it is the important part.
• Be realistic about what you can do on your own and what you need help with.

What I want for you in this class:

To think about how you can use your past life experiences

to build the future you want.

Sometimes the things that held us back can also drive us forward

If everything in life was easy, maybe none of us would be motivated to create better futures for ourselves and others. Adversity can a marvelous, albeit painful, teacher. The lessons usually aren’t of our choosing, nor are all of us lucky enough to have helpful mentors and teachers to help us through.

But not everything that happens to us in our early lives is negative. There were also good things in our childhoods and early adulthood that we may have taken for granted. Things we only came to fully appreciate later in our lives. If we are honest, there were also guiding lights.

Here's an exercise to help you think about what you've brought from your past into your present, and ultimately, your future.

Here's how I completed this exercise. This time anyway. It's always good to revisit things ...